Sunday, 5 July 2015

Do You Dream Of Being Cool?

Typical Belfast weemen I met while speed dating, I did each one in less than a minute ... Ka-Chow!

I don't know why the Australians call the British whinging poms, maybe cos they all have convict blood coursing through their veins and are just rude or maybe the Brits do nothing but complain.

When it rains they complain about that, 'it's weather for ducks' when it doesn't rain they complain that they have to water their outside plants.
I told my sister that I'd won £6.4 million on the lottery and she said I'd probably spend it all in year and end up in debt and unhappy with non-stop begging letters and regret at a wasted chance in life.

She is Old Knudsen's older sister and probably more wise and going by rumours definitely more experienced .....  Was she whinging and looking on the dark side or was she being truthful? Ach well I threw me ticket in the bin because I was poor but at least I had family that cared.

Odd that my sis won £6.4 million on the lottery just after that, must be a common amount to win. That was the last I saw of her except for the odd postcard saying, 'you wouldn't like it here otherwise I'd pay for yer flight over' ..... see? she still cares.

Now we've finally got some summer weather the Brits are complaining about that, aye fuck away off to Spain to escape the British heat. The heatwave in Pakistan has killed 1,250 so far, they have the right to complain.

Luckily Old Knudsen who has lived in desert climates and once survived for 40 days and 40 nights in the Judaean Desert trolling some hippy. "Hey hippy! I just made this loaf by rubbing some pee over some rocks, if you are hungry turn the stones to bread .... HA got you again, stoopid hippy."

I was this close to making him jump off a cliff with my constant trolling .... ah good times. Here are some tips to stay cool in the heat.        

FANS: Like duh, go to fucking Tesco and buy a fan ya cheap fucker or pretend you are a maintenance worker in an office and have to put a "safety" plug onto it or it can't be used. Office workers have certain logic fails but adhere to rules and regulations, especially if they don't really have to do anything and hey you'll have it back in 10 minutes they fall for shit like this all the time ....  if you need any office, hospital or school supplies then just let me know.

Fans don't cool rooms down, they cool people down which is why it's no good to not sit in front of it, yes British people have to be told this. I blame the free education, you get wot U pay 4.

Did you know that 70% of Brits believe in God but don't believe in oral hygiene or covering their mouths when they cough? .... True British stat and 84% think the periodic table is when weemen have the painters in.  

Back to staying cool. 

You can rub ice cube over yer body if you want but a cold compress on the neck and around yer wrists will cool you doon a bit. Now Old Knudsen is in the mood to bust a few moves to People of color with an attitude .... but it's too hawt.

Easier ways to cool down is go deep sea diving, aye scientists say the earth is heating up but where the fuck are the flying cars and jet packs we should all have now? Scientists can fuck off. Or you could go into space. The reason why astronaut weemen don't really look like Sandra Bullock is that a hot chick with constantly erect nipples from the cold might be distracting.

Is there a doctor in the house or is there a house in a doctor? ... the back door is always open.  

Do not engage in hot, sweaty activities, a bit of handball while standing behind the curtains as you watch the lady next door washing her car is always acceptable. 
People see some nice weather and go nuts, hey lets run a half marathon or cycle for 50 miles ... neither is a sensible idea no matter the weather. People that exercise are trying to avoid their issues as a good wank and a shit has been medically proven to keep you healthy, young looking and give you a longer life span.
I knew a guy who ran 5 miles a day, didn't drink or smoke and carefully controlled his diet ... dead at the age of 42.

Yeah I should have watched where I was driving but the police chasing me were distracting with the lights and the noise, I may sue.

Her going to church frock. 

Wear less clothes ..... oh yer a bit body self-conscious because you eat comfort food out of depression and are too lazy to exercise, ok then this is just for the fit beautiful people. Fat people can eat ice cream then and take comfort that the brain is the largest sexual organ ....  nat really much comfort for an ugly fat guy looking for his hole but still.

Don't forget to use social media for its main purpose, to update people on the weather outside yer window because 100 years from now archeologists will re-read yer most interesting posts and really get an idea of what people were like .... If yer reading this from the future let me save you the trouble, people are cunts who raise the worse of them to the very top of the social ladder but the ugly baby pictures are funny though. Does this comment sound familiar, "Yer baby is just soo cute ... lol!" Yes the lol is to make you wonder if I'm lying or not, chances are you'll just give my comment a polite 'like' just in case. All my lols have a double meaning such as 'I don't think yer smart enough to get my humour ... lol!'   

Old Knudsen is hawt yet naturally cool, suck on him like a Popsicle to cool yerself doon, I'm told you get used to the smell of protein rich stale pee. 

I would have mentioned not drinking alcohol but seriously people, is that really an option? Lets cut back on cocaine and hate crimes, fuck aff, what would be the point of living?
Stay cool my peeps and remember, that big ball of fire in the sky will die someday and this post will no longer be needed as an important guide to survival. Use the power of intention and just will the fucker to die ... just like how you do with yer family and friends.   

Saturday, 4 July 2015

Up The Bum No More Babies

 Bristol at her mom's house for ye olde home spun advice.

The Palin family are one of those families who are religious because it's convenient for them. Sure it makes them feel smug and superior to those not as religious and the stereotype of Bible, fleg and gun is simple and appeals to many lower class voters. Why are the poorest states Republican states when Republicans cut government aid programs when they can? I guess Republican voters just have shit for brains to put it politely. Bible, fleg, guns, queers and immigrants ... doesn't require much cognitive complexity.
 They like what they can hold and touch and hate others who are not them or topics that require abstract thought.

 American woman, stay away from me.

It's silly when people go on about disrespecting the flag but will turn a blind eye to children starving, if you love yer flag so much then why don't you marry it? .... someday maybe. Oh and if you've put the US flag as a filter over yer profile picture because millions of people have been turning their's rainbow in celebration of same sex vote in the US then yer just being a dick.

Old Knudsen is not into slut shaming, though he'll always make exceptions. Especially if they are assholes. Bristol Palin announced online that she was pregnant again. The former advocate for abstinence education is to give birth to her second child out of wedlock.

The first guy she was pregnant to Levi Johnston, stood by her long enough for Sarah Palin to lose the election as Vice President to John McCain and then he was off. She split from the second guy, Medal of Honor Recipient Dakota Meyer who she was to marry in May.

The former Marine sorta forgot that he had already married some bint.

Thats the thing with Marines, you gotta keep asking them shit, 'are you sure you aren't already married?' ..... 'did you wipe?' ..... 'are the police after you for any crimes?' They may be brave and very eager to rape, kill or kill and rape the enemy but they aren't that bright. Pat Robertson from the 700 club is a former Marine.     

Bristol wants no lectures and no sympathy, she referred to her pregnancy as "a huge disappointment" but soon turned that frown upside down and did what good Christian folk and hypocrites everywhere do best, brass it out. 

"So here are the things you should all get straight before you continue to mock me, judge me, and talk about me none of us are perfect. I made a mistake, but it's not the mistake all these giddy a--holes have loved to assume. This pregnancy was actually planned."

The wedding was actually planned too. Yes, you are only human and seem to only mention that when you fuck up. For the rest of the year yer God's chosen who can do no wrong ...... Just like Josh Duggar who gets automatically forgiven by God when he molests a child. 

The father hasn't been named but I think we know who it is ... thanks Obama! Bristol is an attractive young woman though I doubt she is very deep or interesting, her family are fucking nutters who behave like a really slack god bothering mafia family, no wonder blokes don't want to stick around.

Though if she keeps picking High School drop outs and exMarines she'll soon be on her way to the glorious title of 4X4 .... 4 children by 4 different blokes. I can't help but to judge cos my asshole feels just so giddy.

A proud American soldier with his fleg. 

Old Knudsen's advice to Bristol is to go army next time. The Navy aren't that into chicks, the Marines think that IQ is a Japanese poem and the Air force have higher standards. The army are smart enough to get themselves into trouble and have a low enough self esteem to consider Bristol an upgrade. 

Lets hope she picks a better name than Tripp for this one, Britney, Tad, Skip or Jon .... Jon Snow.   

Friday, 3 July 2015

Woman Got MERS Infected Boob Implants On The NHS

You may kiss .... er maybe just a fist bump the bride.

"Praying for the rapture, cause it's stranger getting stranger, and everything's contagious, it's the modern middle ages" ~  Robert Williams

Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS©) is a viral respiratory illness that is new to humans. Developed by the CIA as an assassination tool It was first reported in Saudi Arabia in 2012 and has since spread to several other countries, including the United States. Thought to be either a plague from Gog because the Saudi's are head chopping cunts or from something they picked up fucking camels it is unclear. 460 have died since 2012. The 16,532 pilgrims in Mecca have all been tested and are clear as long as they stay away from the sexy camels. 

Pastor James McConnell says he doesn't hate Muslims but added, "I'm gonna laugh my balls aff when they suffer extreme pain and torment for worshiping Satan and I hope they burn in Hell forever .... God is love .. lol!"

Do I believe that Saudi Arabia is clear of MERS? Anyone remember that town that refused to close its beach because of a shark attack? Aye they were more interested in the tourist/pilgrim money.

In South Korea the death toll has risen to 32 people. What a weird disease, they have found MERS in camels and bats so what are the durty Koreans doing with the bats?

In China in 2003 there was a SARS epidemic that killed 349. SARS is of the same coronavirus family as MERS. Instead of scary 4 letter acronym names why don't they try harder and spell something like FLUFFIES, "I'm so sorry to hear about Susan, was it MERS or SARS?" ..... "She died of FLUFFIES which actually makes me smile when I say it so the loss isn't that bad, I heard that Simpson got TICKLES, such a loss :::snigger::::" 

  The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you, and how could, anybody, deny you.

Chris Martin took time from writing Game of thrones to write Green eyes in memory of his then wife Gwenyth Paltrow, the most famous person to die from SARS. Martin is now dating Jennifer Lawrence and they are reportedly fucking like bunnies .... I expect we'll be seeing some leaked pics soon.  

This fish may mistake yer nuts for actual nuts and take a bite. 

Remember when you only worried about getting the clap from nasty foreign hookers and the tarts who hung around army bases? Now you'll get head lice from the plane, bed bugs from the hotel room, a nasty flesh eating disease from a warm bus seat. Now they are finding testicle eating fish in  Illinois and they have better teeth than most British people .... bastarding fish and their oral hygiene. 

You just never know what yer going to catch or what catches you which is why when Old Knudsen open up a can of tuna he doesn't check it for eyeballs. Don't watch what you eat just fucking well eat it, when the starving children of Ebola figure out that you've got loads of food they'll be over to take it. 


Woman with MERS infected boobs died shortly after this picture was taken. After an examination her body will probably be released to the family around November ... maybe-ish. 

Flesh eating in Florida.  

Flesh eating virus, Vibrio vulnificus just claimed its 4th victim in the US, some bloke from Florida who went swimming in Mississippi. Don't go swimming if you have any open wounds and don't drink the fucking water, it's America for fucks sake. 

Ach he was from Florida, probably high on bath salts or bubble bath and had forgotten about the bullet wound he'd got a week ago from robbing yon shop. Shows you can be pretty careful unless you sniff the Radox then all bets are off. 

Thursday, 2 July 2015

The ISIS On The Cake

Chuck Netzhammer is a US flegger who wanted Wal-Mart to bake him a cake that had the Confederate battle fleg and the werds "Heritage not hate" on it, obviously to show that he isn't racist, he just doesn't care about yer feelings.

Wal-Mart has withdrawn all items with the Confederate fleg on it even though that are still keeping their highly controversial Swastika range of children's clothes. Netzhammer wanted to test this and he was denied his cake, he then sent in a request for an ISIS fleg cake .... though he never said what it was or who it was connected with.
Just like how he leaves out the whole slavery thing and how the Confederate fleg is a present day fav for white supremacists like the Klan.   

I get it, heritage and culture, I've heard all of the excuses for belittling the feelings of others, next you'll say how persecuted you are and yer freedoms are getting taken away and yer identity is getting chipped away at too ..... well good, cos yer a dick.

Imagine that, white people who aren't offended by slavery, must be Republican and can trace yer line back to the civil war.
Many Southerners were conscripted and were probably too poor to own slaves and look how badly they fought so maybe God just wasn't on their side, ah well, the right side won in the end so yay!
The British were willing to accept abolition rather than risk a widespread war in 1833 ..... just saying like.

The person who made the cake in Wal - Mart probably thought it said, 'Happy Birthday' in Muslimese.

    Party central ... keep it doon a bit boys eh? 

ISIS may have been started in 2003 under a different name or two when the US in all their wisdom disbanded the 100,000 strong Iraqi military with 80,000 becoming extremists. They now get to celebrate one year of almost non-stop victories and so need a cake. 

Netzhammer from butt fuck Louisiana, they want their cake and will replace all of your racist flegs with their black banner of Islam. Their fleg has history and goes back to the 8th century, the writing at the top says, 'There is no god but God, Muhammad is the messenger of God.'

The middle circle has the werds, 'Muhammad is the Messenger of God' in case you missed it the first time and to make it sound more true or something. 

So their fleg like the Nazi Swastika is a peaceful and religious symbol while the Southern cross was for states who fought to keep slavery alive ..... shame on you and yer cherry picked morals.

These old flegs and symbols need to be kept in museums and not used in the present because times have moved on and what was acceptable to the mostly white population then doesn't fly now.  

This story reminds me of the pastor Josh Feuerstein who went to the trouble of finding a ghey bakery and requesting a cake with 'We do not support gay marriage' on it. 

What is it with people with Germanic surnames, they were the only ones that gave me shit when I was in Callyfornia, a load of bitter fuckers.

Tunisia Hosts The Darwin Awards

Tunisia, a place of old stuff and sand, movies like Life of Brian, Raiders of the lost ark, Star Wars, The English patient and pirates (the Pedo Polanski flop not the Johnny Depp ones) were made there, come and visit they said, it'll be lovely they said.

Just because It's the north of Africa and beside Libya doesn't mean it's dangerous. People go to the Dominican Republic and Mexico for holiday all the time. Many resorts do of course have their own armed security and tourists don't set foot outside of them. Since 9/11 Americans have been wary of going to Tunisia and rightly so which shows they aren't as stoopid as some.

In March 2015 there was yon museum hostage crisis in the cuntry's capital city that left 19 dead including 17 foreign tourists, aye I'm sure Tunisia is well safe.  

I saw a tourism commercial on the telly that showed old rocks and sand and suggested that I'd like to go to Tunisia.

 Cum to Callyfornia and fuck my maid .... I have.

Old Knudsen only likes tourism ads with famous people on them. I watched the Tunisia ad and didn't see anything of interest and didn't know what the fuck I was looking at since it just had some obscure pictures and no commentary .... total fail.    

I was left with the hold on a minute feeling, who the fuck in their right mind would want to go to Tunisia? 
What was their government thinking? No one remembers March and hey what are the chances of being killed by ISIS? We really need our yearly 6 - 7 million tourists.

Well 38 people were shot dead on a Tunisia beach, mostly tourists British, German, and French and of course there is always the one token Irish person. ISIS/Daesh say they did it because you should be covered head to toe in clothing while sun bathing and tourism is against the Koran. 

Libya's tourism board are promoting lovely walks on their beaches.

Yeah I'm sorry for the families of those who were killed but seriously, Tunisia? The middle and north of Africa is crawling with Boko Harem and Daesh so you think it's a good idea to go cos it's cheap?

Aye we'll visit Tunisia since I've always wanted to see Tataouine and the Tunisia government assures us it is safe from ISIS then we 'll go to Egypt to see the pyramids of Giza and then to Raqqa in Syria for a cup of tea, what could possibly go wrong? 

I've never understood holidays, you pay money to go somewhere foreign to get drunk every night, get food poisoning from the dodgy food and get skin damage during the day while sleeping in an unfamiliar bed at night surrounded by people who think that flies on yer food is a part of the food pyramid. The only thing Tunisia has going for it is sex trafficking.      

You shouldn't let the terrorists dictate yer life but really, do you have to make it easy for them? Nothing says relaxing holiday like the chance of death. 


Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Lights In Space

Many people remember the name Lance Armstrong as being the first (American) man to set foot on the moon but no one remembers the second, Buzz Lightbeer. Since the Apollo landings of 1969 no one has ever been to the moon since ... except for 4 other times after that but do we really believe it?

Why have we only been to the moon (not including Old Knudsen's times) 5 times? Commander Lightbeer has the answers. He couldn't say anything before as he was waiting for documents to be declassified.
  Now the truth is out there.

It seems that they met with a race of aliens known as the Greys, the Greys like to tie and chain people up and beat them with a riding crop and of course anally probe them. E. L. James 50 shades of grey was brought about from her regression therapy after being abducted. 

Commander Lightbeer goes on to say, "They are some nasty suckers, they had Armstrong for 3 hours and afterwards he couldn't ride a bike for a week, no wonder he never discussed it." 

 Get off my moon! 

Recently a probe was sent to the dwarf planet Ceres for a laugh. 7 years ago they had some extra budget and so threw something up and now it has finally reached the asteroid belt between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter ..... no one really cares but they have to do something with their time. 

Strange lights were found on the dwarf planet. NASA have said that it's probably just shiny space ice but Lightbeer knows better. 

"NASA have been trying to find new places to land but because there are alien cities on Ceres I bet someone at NASA lost their job. Can't speak I'm being watched, you know why American money is made of cotton and not paper? They weave tracking strips into the $20 bills." 

Lightbeer's nurse moved him away from the window I was standing outside of thus ending the interview. I think we've heard enough. 

Get rid of yer $20's and don't believe the grey propaganda in the movies, getting tied up and probed isn't that much fun .... no lips were bit in my case.  

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Willie Frazer Joins Fightclub But Tells Everyone


Loyalist mouthpiece Protestant victims rights activist Willie Frazer was attacked at his door by a man claiming to have IRA connections. The older man who was disabled enough that he had to walk with a stick even gave Frazer a get well card since he is a dead man walking an all .... which was nice since he signed it.  

It's often a man's mouth that breaks his nose.

While Frazer getting barely violently attacked by an old disabled guy who was a foot smaller than him and losing the fight might seem funny to some, we at Old Bitter Balls do not support physical violence. 

When I say that there are terms and conditions attached as some people are in need of a good killing.  You don't threaten, you just do it.

Frazer's performance in the movie was quite unbelievable, he claims to be ex-military but can't even gain the upper hand at the door, never mind while on the ground. 

The attacker on the other hand was totally reminiscent of  Wolverine, if Wolverine didn't have claws and didn't know how to fight and had all the rage of a frustrated dementia sufferer who doesn't know where they are .... I mean he has a walking stick and doesn't use it once.   

I set the video to some appropriate music and thankfully it ends before the attacker (on top of Willie arf arf) dry humps Willie and explodes his old man seed all over Willie's face .... Something that Frazer did not mention in any of the post attack interviews.

Shame on anyone who fights as badly as this. 

The Confederate Flag Is Not Racist

Don't judge him, his other shirt says turtle power.  

"I am disgusted at how the Neggers and the Jews are portraying the Southern Cross, it is not and has never been a racist flag. The Jews try to demonize the Nazi Swastika but the Swastika is an ancient religious symbol that means in Sanskrit 'all is well.'"  Says Ron White the owner of Whites Only bar and grill in South Carolina.

He is upset at how those with 'left wing privilege' have been attacking his culture and heritage .... much like the poor down trodden Orangemen of Northern Ireland who only want their human rights protected, especially the right to do whatever they want.

South Carolina, Mississippi and Georgia gave their support for slavery as a reason for secession from the Union and so the confederate flags came into existence because of those beliefs. That doesn't make it wrong, the Nazi flag came into existence because the Nazis thought they were a superior people and that Jews, gheys and inferior races should be slaves or die, does that make them wrong? .... That logic hurts my head damn I wish I had the smarts.

The US civil war went on from 1861 - 1865 and its first flag represented South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana and Texas. Those break away states that respected black people's right to be owned like cattle and to work for free.... Now those rights have been taken away.

The second in 1863 looked like a white flag of surrender at a distance which gave rise to the Confederate battle cry of "No Surrender!"

The third flag known as the "Blood-Stained Banner" went up in 1865 ... then the south surrendered.

Gen. Robert E. Lee's Army of Northern Virginia used the current flag but Lee distanced himself from all those arsehole flags as he might have called them, there were no flags at all flown at his funeral.

"A flag devised from oppression and defeat is not fit to wipe shit with." ~ General Robert E Lee 1865

From the middle of the 20th century the confederate flag grew in popularity, the deep south still had segregation and the KKK in every town. When in 1948 Strom Thurmond ran for president, on their platform was "We stand for the segregation of the races" if you remember correctly Thurmond shagged the help and had a black daughter which he kept a secret until he was dead and she was aged 78.

After black kids were allowed to attend white schools the confederate flag went up even more ... not for racist purposes but for um culture, yeah that's right.

In 1961 the Confederate battle flag was erected over the State House in South Carolina and then moved near a monuments for fallen soldiers giving it heritage protection and an over whelming vote needed to have it removed .... democracy in action.

After the Dylann Roof shootings which were found to be heritage related rather than racial the South Carolina Governor Robert Bentley ... a Republican had 4 Confederate flags taken down and Nikki Haley, also a Republican called for flag to be removed from the State capitol.  It's bad when the Republicans admit to being wrong. 

Ron White looks me up and down then questions my parentage and sexual preferences but Old Knudsen is there to talk flegs, a subject that Every Ulster man is familiar with.

"If we was racist would we have let black people die at the Alamo?" 

The Alamo is a prized cultural tourist attraction in Texas made famous by a John Wayne movie, only the Duke could turn a crushing defeat into a victory. Colonel James Bowie (during his Ziggy years) had a black woman who died there and a slave belonging to Lieutenant Colonel William Barrett Travis is thought to have been the only male to survive the attack in 1836.

While looking at me and using his lazy eye to watch everywhere else Ron noticed a couple of trouble makers enter the bar and grill that he had to ask to leave. It may be construed as being racist because they just happened to be black so I'm seeing his point here. You can't even beat up gheys or scrawl immigrants out on a house without someone calling hate crime.  

He went onto say.

"We value diversity in our southern states as long as they know their place and let us express our culture and heritage. I've even heard some Liberals and uppity Negroes saying that burning crosses on lawns is racist but it's just us expressing our religious freedoms, what are they Muslim or something?"
Mr White's logic is sound and based on olde time values like segregation and slavery which are not racist but rather traditional. Who are we to judge another culture? next you'll be saying that torturing dogs before eating them like the Chinese do is wrong but it's not, it's culture!

 Away from the drug dealing, terrorist side of the UVF is the history appreciating side. 

The people of Northern Ireland don't know their own history but they know that they like flegs if they piss somebody off. 

Northern Ireland's greatest export .... shit stirrers and bullies. 

I've heard all the excuses for flying alleged cultural flags and tradition is the best excuse ever. Slavery (itself a tradition) gave the US the tradition of the second amendment, Roots and Django Unchained so think twice before you go bagging on slavery and other cracker traditions.


My Big Ghey American Wedding

It's great news that the supreme court in the US has made ghey marriage legal in all 50 states. Great news for blokes wanting to marry other blokes and even better news for wedding planners and divorce lawyers.

We here at Knudsen and Knudsen attorneys at law will fight for you. yer loved one wants custody of the wee African you adopted together? .... well we can tear doon their reputation and even frame them for a crime if you wish, anything to win cos that is what it's about.

Knudsen and Knudsen

Established in 1983 an old wank sock became sentient and got a law degree and now we fight for you!

Want to keep yer tastefully decorated home? We can't blame you, 80% of our cases have a 40% success rate in favour of 8% of our clients ... we don't do no math, we do LAW!

Did that special other go from being yer twin flame to being that bitch in a boa? We can intimidate or vanish them to a government experimentation center .... because we can!

Sure some cunts like the governors in Louisiana and Texas are trying to pressure their counties not to wed gheys, they will be visited by the angel of death as God loves fags!

 Warning, this is really Old Knudsen, put yer hands where I can see them.

Let Knudsen and Knudsen take you on yer journey of wedded bliss by planning yer wedding and then taking sides with the person with the most money for yer divorce. We'll even vet yer partner with a honey trap to see if they are likely to cheat ...  Who couldn't resist the wit an charm and purdy mouth of Old Knudsen?

If gheys want marriage then they'll have to accept divorce too as written by Jesus in the Bible. If you aren't jaded and cynical enough to hire Old Knudsen to fight for you in court then just hire him to fight for you at parties .... all the big Hollywood A-listers are doing it like John Cryer and Clint Howard, I will bite off a hobo's ear for YOU! 


Monday, 29 June 2015

Loyalists Are Arson Around

If you laugh at the fact that a bonfire in the centre of Belfast .... aye the capital city in the 21st century was set on fire prematurely then you get called a Fenian or Republican, well Old Knudsen is laughing at yer fleggory misfortune.

Look at the effort it takes to make these things, the pallets that are begged borrowed and stolen from all over. Those blue pallets belong to a company that makes a loss every year but what are you to do when the police and the law are biased and toothless?

A big fuss was made because it was set on fire before the traditional 11th July night and it caused a disruption so the police were angry. If you set a giant bonfire on fire in the centre of Belfast it's arson, when you do it on the 11th July it's culture!

Loyalists have a long tradition of being arson loving drug dealing bullies, it's their culture and heritage, you can trust their Fenian counterparts just as much, both sides are criminals with unrealistic ideas who will stop at nothing to achieve them .... but the Loyalists are dumb as fuck and embarrassing in their self-entitled ways, the English never get on like that.

When the little Fleggers who spent weeks under the instruction of a paramilitary hood community worker, ditching school so they could pile a load of wood onto some pram wheels dragging it around the local businesses shouting, "hey mister, got any wood for the boney?" saw their work go up in flames did tears stream doon their snot covered faces as they asked, "Billy, why would somebody do this?" 
Here is yer answer you little shit, 'some men just want to watch the pallets burn.'  


25 Good Reasons To Join ISIS

Looking for a challenging career in which you can get a head?

What are the signs that yer kid is about to run off and join ISIS/Daesh? Could it be the growing of bum fluff on their chins? ..... very odd for gurls to do but still. Maybe they refuse to eat the pork chops you've cooked and they spit at you and call you an infidel pig?

A plane ticket to Turkey is usually a give away, who gives kids that kind of money anyways? In my day if you did all the chores and helped with dinner you'd get beat and told how lucky you were to have what you have .... and we were lucky.

If yer teen is surly, avoids you and spends all their time up in their room on the Interwebs then either they are a "normal" teen or they are about to go jihad. If American they may be about to go on a shooting spree.

Old Knudsen often sends pictures to his friends who in turn take pictures of them holding the  picture. 

If any of that worries you then there is only one way to be sure, check their trash can. If yer kid doesn't have a cold or allergies but the trash can is always full and smells like a Thai food restaurant then they are just wanking a lot and sexting etc, normal teen stuff. If the bin is the usual trash then check their Interweb history, any parent worth their salt knows not to show their child how to do this, it's the one thing you just happen to forget to tell them.

 Beautiful Raqqa in Syria.

So I was on yon dark net talking to some Jahidis on Hatebook and they accused me of having anti-Daesh views that was probably based on them being brown skinned and so I was deeply ashamed.
Was Old Knudsen using his white privilege to judge? It is awesome being white though, you never get stopped by the police and always get served in shops first .... well our police are kinda shite and don't like conflict and I always jump queue cos I'm old and don't want to die waiting to buy a fucking scratch card.
In Northern Ireland we don't have many darkies but I'm sure the ones we have get treated with courtesy and respect cos we're Irish and friendly like.  We don't single people out nor are we racist, all Asians get called chinky no matter where they are from, all blacks are African and all brown people are pakkies, we is very respectful of cultures and traditions because we know what it's like to have yer culture and beliefs disrespected and so wouldn't do that ... unless yer a Fenian or just look like one of course ..... or Dutch, who likes the Dutch huh?   

ISIS/Daesh/cocksuckers asked me to write some kind werds about them to show I wasn't racist and also to encourage recruitment to replenish their ranks of fools, idiots and loonies brave fighters to fight a holy war against western influence as you can see on their Youtube and Twitter accounts. I follow Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi on Instagram, can't wait to see what he's having for dinner tonight.

Abu Khaled ,  Abdullah Emir or Colin is a famous Australian boy who got attention when his parents outed him as being 'as white as rice' ..... I suspect they don't mean brown rice. Daesh have been more accepting of Colin and have encouraged him to be himself, something his family never did. An ISIS spokesman said: "Come join us at our luxury resort and spa in Raqqa, we won't judge you because Allah doesn't mind who blows themselves up for him as long as they take some enemy with them."

Offer does not include Christians or gheys terms and conditions may apply.  

Colin never had a gurlfriend and now the gurls are lining up to meet him. Not that they have a choice. 
The Yazidis are touted in the western media as being Christian, lets not forget how they stoned 17 year-old Du’a Khalil Aswad to death for running off to marry a Muslim boy in 2007. Westerners fail to understand the ways of the sand savage and try to compare them to ourselves which is how Jesus became white.

There are other gurls who really want to meet Colin and his friends.   

ISIS deny the rumour that they use western members as suicide bombers because they are soft and useless, females get used as cum bucket/slaves wives for brave fighters and get elevated to an important social status and if yer husband dies you'll be given a new one ... arranged marriages can be soo romantic. 

Raqqa is one of those cities you should see before you die, it's green and lush and always a comfortable 72 degrees Fahrenheit. The malls offer the best in variety and quality, you can find a koran, burka and AK-47 all in the same place ..... it even has soft toilet paper. 

A-list stars? Raqqa also has the highest concentration of failed British rappers that no one has ever heard of .... because they are just soo cool an street.

Do not believe pictures like this that shows Raqqa as being a butt fuck dustbowl where people (women) walk about in black robes carrying their 10 kids in 100 degree heat, that is just western lies. ISIS also do not show beheadings to young children and brainwash them with scripture, they have the best health and childcare system in the world. People joining all the time you get to hear all about yer favorite TV shows and movies, everything is so personal and real.

The real Raqqa that the west wouldn't show is a paradise and everyone has Crystal, Maybach, Diamonds on your timepiece, Jet planes, Islands, Tigers on a gold leash ... all halal of course or in Raqqa we say halol cos the place is soo much fun ..... lol!

The thing that Jahadis always show foreigners to get them to join ISIS is Nutella. As if that makes everything all worth it.   

Of course ISIS have their own brand due to a supply issues and you can barely taste the bull semen or the chemical they use to preserve it in the heat .... I'm just mentioning the taste so you'll be less um surprised.  

If you are unsure of joining ISIS I hope this post has helped you. Go join them you disaffected and disenfranchised misguided fool, you weren't going to have a future anyway but when you get killed in the butt fuck desert you can have a great future in the afterlife ... assuming they haven't got their version of Islam all fucked up like the scholars say.