Monday, 29 August 2016

Got Droids?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far ..... well it was quite far away, you get the idea. I was a young man who wanted to travel the werlds and meet new people and subject them to the rule of the Empire.

The Empire was a vast socialist movement that wanted rid of the pampered monarchs that wanted the rule the people and lizard like things etc. The Empire had universal healthcare that was universal ... literally. It had a good education system and free university but the royalists wanted their inbred princess to rule, we called her followers Rebel scum. Now that I'm older I regret the rebel shaming  but back in those days tempers were high and our socialist Emperor Bernie Corbyn wanted them destroyed as the fuckers refused to pay more tax being royalty an all. 

   Cum at me space bro!

When I went to these various mining colonies and outposts looking for droids people would say, "aren't you a little short to be a Storm Trooper?"  with a sneer on their faces, I'd reply "aren't you a little fat to be a super model?" or "aren't you a little ugly to be on anything other than radio?"

People were mean to us, they'd point and say 'look a droid!' ... just kidding it's yer Ma. We were always looking for droids for fucks sake, slippery wee things. Those helmets don't help either, once I arrested a trash can by mistake. 


Storm Troopers aren't the best ya know. After the failed cloning project they more or less hired anyone. Training consists of a day of learning to search for droids, 6 weeks of marching and 3 hours of blaster training. That was cut to one hour after too many recruits were getting shot by accident ... those things are dangerous. 

White gear, they must be sending me to Hoth or somewhere with snow.  

So I got my E11 triple slide 4 speed particle beam energy blaster. It had a scope that was set on the side to ensure that you didn't hit anything. Emperor Bernie Corbyn wanted to promote a more caring fascist socialist Empire. 
So after destroying Alderaan because it was in the way of a space motorway we were sent to the forests of Endor to crush the Rebel scum miscreants. 

We touched down and barely had time for a brew up before we were off to kills some Rebels. Princess Leia Orgasma was there mounting a defense, I preferred her sister Pippa who had a really nice arse. 

  Werk that inbred arse. 

As we were marching off to die fight, the Shadow Troopers were sniggering at us. They are dressed in cool black and could cloak, then I realised we were dressed in bright white gear in a fucken forest. I could only hope that the Rebels were also so easy to see too. Thanks Emperor, might as well paint a target on us too. 

White was found to be less intimidating by a focus group on how to make the Empire more likable. 

 Don't move or I'll use this sex toy on yer Endor ... lol! But seriously, you seen any droids? 

Reasons why things are seen: Shape, Shine, Surface, Silhouette .... or dressed in fucken white paintball motocross gear. 

So the Shadow Troopers blended in, the Scouts drove about on speeder bikes and we grunts walked in formation. 

My squad were attacked by some Rebels but we fended them off thanks to an AT- ST. We got to make plenty of Han Solo wanking on yer own jokes at that smuggler dude. How does he have sex? With his han solo .... lol! Yeah he was a good looking cool guy, we hated the fucker. I bet he even tapped yon ugly princess. Not that I'd say no but again, her sister ... way better. 

Then Barry my mate saw this line across the path and he pulled on it. Giant spikes came swinging doon and Barry was no more. A ton of fucken cute teddy bears came charging at us, we laughed abd said how Squee, they they started ripping us apart. 

  Poor Barry ... lest we forget. 

It was horrible. I don't know how I survived. I fired at them (shooting two of my buddies) and seeing the carnage I panicked and ran. I could run faster than our squad leader so when they got him and ripped him apart with their teeth I had enough time to escape, also I tripped up Harry on the way past so I had plenty of time for my brave retreat. 

I still can't walk past a 'Build a bear' shop without having flashbacks. The transport off Endor was full of shaking crying Storm Troopers, the Shadow Troopers were missing in action, they were cloaked and then we couldn't remember where we sent them. Still no bloody droids though, do droids even exist? 

 Yer son called, he has a Father's Day surprise for you.

Luckily I got the news that I'd be transferred to the Death Star (just a name as Big Ball was taken) there would be no evil teddy bears there, I'd be safe unless I pissed off Vader that is, years of steroids gave him a bit of a temper and having no willy too, that would make anyone testy so to speak .... He was a vet so you have to respect him. Sure he killed a load of children but past is past. 

He would force fondle female trooper's boobies so a bit of a jerk ... but again a vet so blame PTSD eh. 

We'd call him Derp Vader behind his back as his robotic legs made him trip all the time, but we did it out of respect and very quietly in case we incurred his droid rage.

I looked out a space window of the transport ship and saw the Death Star sitting there in the empty blackness of space. Nothing could get me out here. I was to guard the thermal exhaust port which is the weakness built into all Death Stars just for the lolz ... as if anything was going to come in through that lol.   


Sunday, 28 August 2016

Naked Selfie Sunday

A collection of naked selfies that get sent to me by my readers for you enjoy unless yer mind gets distracted by the messy rooms or the toilets. I can't be the only to wonder if the selfie is taken after a dump or before it. Did they do a massive dump and thought they must have lost some weight so why take a pic if you can stand the stench of yer own brand.

Friday, 26 August 2016

Did I Die In My Sleep?

Make America great like you did for the UK

Maybe I'm still being effected by the acid I dropped years ago, maybe I'm dreaming and all this is just a nasty nightmare and I'm in a coma or maybe I died .... is this Hell? Being trapped in a werld that doesn't make sense and is run by evil money grabbing cunts and I can't stop them as UK gun laws prevent me from owning a sniper rifle and then there is that no fly list thing I'm on.    

It turns out that when Mylan bought a company over the cost of Epi-pens went from $100 to $600. That's like when Martin Shkreli put up the price of a drug used in the treatment of aids from $13.50 per tablet to $750. 

Why do people enough kicking others when they are down so much? 

 Then there is Steven Seagal .... explain that fucker to me. 

Nigel Farage at a Trump rally to address all those racist rednecks potential voters and charm them with his English accent, "I don't know what he's saying cos he speaks funny but he speaks his mind so I like him, death to neggers and muslins!"

Farage helped fuck up the UK by lying to the people that we were better off out of the EU, then he went over to his office in the EU to put in some overtime before the people caught on. Now he's in the US speaking at a Bund Trump rally. His platform for Brexit was anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner in general, his posters harked back to 1930's Nazi Germany. 

Boris Johnson helped Farage lie to the British public, he is the least diplomatic person their is and he was made Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs, that means he represents the UK aboard and has over sight of our foreign intelligence agencies.  This was the guy that said Obama was anti-British because of his Kenyan ancestry. 

I must be in Hell. 

 Who thinks this shit up? Who thinks that is is all a good idea? .... Satan, that's who. 

Then I get this reaction from weemen when I suggest they cradle my balls gently while sucking and licking my grey wizard's staff until they receive a magic potion .... I'm doomed to only meet leezers and asexuals, what harsh punishment for my sins. 

Then there is the look you get when you say something hilarious but they either don't get it or don't find children with cancer funny or something. It was fucken funny when I told it at a Trump rally for fucks sake. Of course I did say it was a child of colour then obviously. 

Explaining a funny comment is sooo painful. It was funny, yer just German or something. I know funny, I'm a clownfish. 

Also having to see pictures of children in bombed Syria, news of the suicide bomber that killed 51 at a Kurdish wedding in Turkey was like aged 12 or the Italian earthquake that killed 241.... this shit bums me out, why can't we just stop reporting on this stuff and then it will stop. 

Another reason why I think I'm in Hell are all the fucken cat pictures. People with children, cats and who eat food should not be allowed near cameras but since this is Hell and all ..... 

Also the hot one from Charlies Angels has turned out to be a dude ... WTF Satan? Never name a boy BJ.

Oh you want further proof that I'm languishing in the depths of hell .... how about the 50 year gaps in between the seasons of Sherlock? It doesn't take that long to make a TV show, East Enders doesn't take years nor did Two and a half fucken men. Cancelling Firefly ..... I can't even begin at how much that damaged my calm.

Then you have Fear of the walking dead being shite. Who would have thought that a Johnny Depp wanna be wandering around Mexico in the desert during the zombie apocalypse would have been boring as fuck? Not the people that made it obviously. 

Just kill this prick already. I get it, the wee junkie boy doesn't fit in and thinks he has more in common with the walking dead ... he's about as interesting as them I suppose. I like zombie movies and shows and so by making that genre crap it proves I'm in Hell. 

 I also can't find this video online. 

So ... If it's all about Old Knudsen being in Hell then explain all the other people in the werld ... in other werds YOU.  

Obviously you lot are demons, maybe like Blade runner the way yon robot chick thought she was human that maybe you too think you are. 

Hell is other people so therefore it is all yer fault and those bodies were under my patio when I moved in BTW. 

Answer me this. Why is an amazing genius like Old Knudsen not a famous hoosehold name but this berd's arse is? I have an arse, I've made sex tapes that were leaked ..... plenty of leaking in fact. One is called The leaking box of shame fer fucks sake. 

Why aren't children following my example and running about calling each other a cunt and looking at boobs and ghey porn? ... oh they are? Fucken youngsters, no respect these days. 

Don't get me started on Hiddleswift ... you were Loki!!!!!!!! You were the chosen one! Congratulations yer now crappy enough to be the next Bond .... why is Bond still a thing???? 

I am insane and you are my insanity  

So yeah, I've got to be in Hell. I thought God was done and punished me enough by making me almost human but no, that cunt can really hold a grudge. I get it Lucifer yer only doing yer job. 
When God wants to punish someone he'll do it .... he'll flood a city, create interesting ways to deform unborn babies, let bad things happen to good people while the bad ones become the 1%, he'll get 'it's the final countdown' or 'Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind' stuck in yer head, he'll put cray cray ideas into yer head too like, wow Trump sure makes a lot of sense, he's tremendous I think I'll vote for him and not crooked Hillary or maybe I'll blow myself and these people up so I can get a reward from Allah in magicland.  

God loved Job but let Satan torture him by making him lose his wife, children and fortune and gave him painful skin ailments and probably the clap to prove a point.

If he did that so someone he loved ..... the fucker hates Old Knudsen so all of this makes sense. 

Then you have stupid people, why God why curse me with these? Bryson is anti-Good Friday Agreement (GFA) which was the vote for peace in Northern Ireland that won by 71% compared to Brexit winning by 52% . Northern Ireland and Scotland voting against leaving the EU but we're having it forced upon us... thank you Sassenachs. 

Bryson was 8 for fucks sake when we voted for the GFA but this mouth piece is against it and disrespects the 71% democratic vote on a daily basis. How can people be so stupid, hypocritical and excessively annoying by merely existing?  71% isn't an iffy 52% ya twat, it's a fucken mandate .... no, not the kind you go on. 

It is all about me as no one else seems as annoyed about things as I do. If I was alive the rich would be helping the poor instead of putting ads on their Facebook and concocting mosquito delivered viruses, war would be a thing of the past because people will realise that it's just idiotic. Fat bummed celebs, sports stars and actors will not be seen as role models but fire fighters, medics, teachers and that bloke that does a job he hates every fucken day just so his kids never go without will be hailed as heroes and role models. 

There won't be people of colour, not because of Trump's concentration camps but because they'll just be known as people. 

Boys will not have to be told it's not right to have sex with an unconscious girl at a party because they'll be raised to have morals and respect. 

 Such a nice soft and grateful personality she has.

People will look at the personality before they do a flat stomach or a set of guns and real guns will be only sold to decent people, not those that get hard shooting children.  

If children did get shot while I was alive there would be enough outrage and empathy to stop people from getting those weapons so easily instead of making excuses and crying about out of date rights.  

Children have the right not to be shot while at school. 

Healthcare & education would be free basic human rights as would clean drinking water, food and a home. If you worked it would be for gain, not to pay some of yer rent and have to chose what utility would be paid that month. 

When a person's basic needs are met then great things, ideas and creations are done. No life time of debt and not able to get ahead, no monopolizing of systems or market. War and illness would not be big earners and money making schemes. 

There would only be 1st world countries and they would understand how important it is to still have nature.  

I'm sure that while Old Knudsen burns in the Hell of his own making (what he hates being a reality) that life is going on elsewhere and it's probably good and sensible and humanity has wised up.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Gaddafi Wasn't That Bad

When the US started bombing Libya again I went all hipster and pointed out how I had bombed Libya when it wasn't so mainstream. Gaddafi had been funding terrorists and blowing up West Berlin nightclubs and killing innocent people which was wrong so we loaded up our F-14 Tomcats and bombed the fuck out of some villages military facilities that were probably making nukes or chemical bombs, we didn't care, it was the 80's.

One dogfight I had, my Cocker Spaniel lost an eye to a savage Libyan Rottweiler so I put one of Gaddafi's Mig - 23's  into the Mediterranean. 

     Lone wolf and his navigator Duck

I don't like to talk about those days as too many people glorify war. War is ugly, mean and nasty gets every where even when you think you were careful but then a month or two later you get that call and asked what you intend to do about it ..... aye war is hell. 

So I was training at Miramax Top Gun base, flying all the fighters and teaching the Young Guns like Charlie and Emilio how to do things. Iceman would tell them all that they were dangerous ... he did that a lot. 

Charlie denied he had aids but we could see it behind his ear and he could hear fuck all when his batteries ran out. I hear he got some nasty illness in later years from a tiger blood transfusion, bless the lad.  

I flew F-14's in fact I flew 1 all the way to 18, ach they now have F-35's I can't keep track, it's as bad as Microsoft updates. I also flew the M-60 to Manchester and the A-4 ring binder fighter. 

We were sitting in class waiting for our new instructor Sam to arrive. I was a little hung over after an all night mission ... sorry it's classified. I sat there thinking of all the good men we had lost. Duck asked, "well where did you last see them?" That's never fucken helpful, fuck away aff. They'll turn up in some form probably. 

As it was the 80's I had just lit my 47th fag it was 8am I was cutting back and didn't want to peak to 100 before 9am.  I wasn't addicted though, I could quit at any time.

After injecting some Heroin I heard the clacking of high heels. 

Yes, in an unexpected twist Sam was actually a pretty lady. Wow I needed a few lines after that blew my mind. 

Our eyes met and she said in a husky sexy voice, "You're call sign Lone Wolf, I've read your file" I wanted to play it cool and professional so I replied, "well if you've read my file you'll know I have IBS so try to keep yon class short love, oh and when's the tea break?"       

Back in the 80's I was a lady killer though no hard evidence was ever found. As you can see from the pictures I was young and hot. I'm still a tad smouldering but then I had me youth. 

Trying not to be over cum with lust she said, "tell me about the Mig"  ... ach not that again. I was drunk and thought it was a crazed woman with grunting tourettes .... and it was dark too, the farmer was well compensated for fucks sake. 

Oh the Mig. 

I miss Gaddafi, sure he paid at least 20% of the population to spy on each other and he funded global terrorism but at least he made the trains run on time. When he was a young officer me Ma had him over for tea and he loved her table cloth. He said, "some day I'll rule Libya and will wear clothes just like this fabric" .... inspirational huh. 
He had an irrational fear of being sodomised with a bayonet that Ma found hilarious and that shows you that what you fear most will meet you halfway and sometimes up the hole.  

I told Sam the Mig story, she says my jumping out and punching the other pilot was made up and not at all based in reality. Duck was reading at the time and missed the whole thing but it happened. 

People that do ... do. Those that can't do teach. She may have been hot as you can see from the pic but her tea making skills were very substandard and that right there is a total turn off. 

I couldn't drink it and thus lost that loving feeling. I stopped being a Naval Aviator when it went all PC and you couldn't bomb desert wogs on a whim anymore. Now spotty teenagers hopped up on energy drinks do it all from their X-box, they don't even have to get out of bed for fucks sake. 

Now when I fly it's usually from huffing paint thinners but I'm no addicted.   


Tuesday, 23 August 2016

I Saw Slender Man

Slender man in the background of this 1980's pic. All 14 children and the photographer vanished, luckily his camera didn't.   

In 2014 two 12-year-old girls in Wisconsin stabbed their friend 19 times in an effort to show their dedication to the mythical being Slender Man. Morgan Geyser and Anissa Weier wanted to show their love for this creature of mystery that is like Santa or something but without the presents. Their victim survived so pretty crappy love then. 

 Morgan Geyser on the left is pleading insanity. Anissa Weier is pleading ... whatever like.

Slender man is a tall being who can make testicles come out of his back ... tentacles I meant. It seems to be like those Sinister movies with children killing their families for a being known as Bughuul or Mr. Boogie. 

It reminds me of the Jamie Bulger case from 1993 when two 10 year-old boys abducted a two year-old and tortured him to death. After serving 8 years they were given new identities and released. One has re-offended with charges of child pornography and drunken brawling. The government has been more interested in protecting them and rehabilitating them.
They didn't really have a reason for doing it but you wouldn't expect this kind of thing from girls. What happened to liking ponies an shit?

Slender man seems fairly fucken lame to me. Maybe I know that if Slendy or Bughuul appeared to me I'd jam him the fuck up. If any kid approached me and refused to get into my free hugs van well I'd be very suspicious. 

A bloke named Eric Knudsen (obviously related) wrote the Slender man story for a website called Creepypasta   it has Slender man being throughout history causing mischief. I think Knudsen who is from Florida of course (the home of crazy) based his story on me. Maybe cos I never paid child support or something I don't know. 

I give these weemen good loving and my special nectar and they think I should take responsibility for something they grew .... crazy talk with plebs latching onto me coat tails.    

I made you special for 32 seconds, move on with yer dull existence ... call me if you lose weight, start werking out and get that mole thing removed.

Children don't think the way adults do though some adults think the way kids do. Being young is often connected with being stupid. 
The media promotes anti-heroes and makes killing seem normal. I doubt Thompson and Venables who lured Jamie Bulger from his distracted mum and killed him were swayed by the media because in 1993 there wasn't the constant video game violence, there wasn't GTA, Doom had just come out but everyone and their cousin wasn't playing it. Child's play 3 was in one of the killer's family video collection, that is what some tabloids latched on to. 

Both boys came from broken homes and had learning difficulties. Reality for them was a little more harsh. Sure there are many that don't go on to torture animals and kill toddlers but the hate and resentment was there for them, bubbling away looking for someone to be the victim instead of them for a change.    

Some kids are just made wrong and others do stupid things because they haven't thought it through or learned empathy yet. 
 Slender Man is real and he smuggles budgies.

When Old Knudsen was young he got tattoos that seemed like the right idea at the time. Look at yer fashions, how did they seem like a good idea? Hormones and yer limited experience of the werld .  I don't know what background Geyser and Weier had but it seems to me that it's easier these days to confuse reality with fantasy. 

How many are fooled by those websites that look like real news sites or how many just believe everything they read online?  One story was a Viking settlement hundreds of miles inland in North America, turns out that was a satire site but nothing about the story was satirical. There was no reason not to believe it other than it wasn't reported anywhere else. 

ISIS latched onto this by using words like you'll re-spawn in Heaven after you blow yerself up.     

Who hasn't wanted to be a cool vampire with high frilly collars, eternal young and supernatural abilities? The fact that they are psychopathic killers that drink germ laden blood gets ignored, especially if they sparkle. Do you really want to put yer mouth on a hobo?  ...... yeah I'm asking the wrong crowd, of course you would, sickos. 

We are a culture that celebrates murder, should we be so shocked when it actually happens?

Monday, 22 August 2016

Noah's Flood Is Bound To Happen Again


Danny Healy-Rae is an Irish politician that isn't big on the lernin but knows everything ... he's Irish ya see.

On climate Change he said that 'only God above controlled the weather' so yon scientists that think they know everything because they have graphs an shit can go fuck. Who hasn't cried out to Thor to stop striking the anvil during a thunder and lightning storm?

Now he's citing historical fact. We had the Ice Age. We had Noah's Ark. We had all those stories. The facts are there and history proves it. 

There were some centuries when the country was very hot and warm and then there were different centuries with so much rain and cold. So, those are facts.

Service with a smile .... he must be serving an English person or a fag ... aye like he can tell the difference Stay on the path when the moon is full young stranger.

Well I'm happy enough with that. The pro-life, against same-sex marriage and same-sex adoption former bar man has made his case clear and simple.  I'd believe rather him than that smarmy Brain Brian Cox who looks like a boy band member that got old .
 Look at my graph, it took me hours to make this, no it's not about climate change it's my book sales. 

Yes the werld is getting warmer and Florida is going to be flooded but we in the UK are used to shitty weather so while summer has always been hit and miss as to whether we get sun and winters are becoming milder I can live with no Florida. Imagine that, CO2 levels rising, luckily we haven't chopped down 20% of the rain forest ..... ya know, those leafy things that absorb CO2. Sort out yer cardboard in yer bins and drive a smaller car if it makes you feel better .... or you could plant fucken trees. 

Recycle to save the environment, oh and to employ the people that make money from you sorting out yer trash.  

No one past the age of 5 should really believe that the Ark story is real or historical. The animals went in two by two but there were more than just two of each. God says get 2 of each animal then he says get 1-7 pairs of the clean animals. A clean animal is one that has a hoof cloven in two and chews the cud. Don't ask how the unique marsupials from those continents not yet discovered or that were flightless got to the Ark. 

His boat was 515ft long, as big as a WWI battleship. At that size it could hold 35 tons of animals. African elephants can weigh any where from 2-7 tons, not much room then for the rest of the animals with 2 of them as well as their smaller Indian counterparts.  Did they have polar and Grizzly bears?

You couldn't get the genetic variations that we see today from one pair or a handful of animals. The largest wooden ship built was 300ft, built in the 1900's. Wooden ships that size need iron strapping or they warp and they also constantly leak as the wood keeps shifting. There is a reason we shifted from wooden to steel ships.

So this bronze age farmer learned how to fell trees, season the wood for years and build a boat bigger than anything modern ship building experts could build. He also become an expert on animal husbandry too. God didn't have a help desk phone line he told him what to do (vaguely) and let him figure out that chimps fling poo and will go anywhere without tamper proof locks.

All that genetic variation crap is scientific bullshit, maybe Darwin was Satan. Animals on islands that separated from mainlands evolving differently. Or beetles on different sides of a mountain becoming different to survive their environment, sounds crazy, what's next, spaceships landing on the moon?      

The water: Do you remember learning something in school called the Water cycle? The water on this planet evaporates with the heat of the sun, turns into condensation and forms clouds, then cools doon and falls back to earth as precipitation. 

There is only a set amount of water on Earth, this water came to us from meteors back in the day which are frozen rocks. All the water in the world did not evaporate and rain for 40 days and nights, we know this because of the ice layers in Greenland and Antarctica that date back at least 40,000 years. They weren't under water or melted.

 At the very least, these would be everywhere.

If you froze the Earth's water it would rise about 50 feet,  Mount Everest is 30,000 feet for fucks sake. What would happen if the Earth was covered in 30,000 feet of new water? The Earth's crust would be destroyed. Remember that dirt is molecules and when wet they separate which is why we get sink holes      

Throughout the myths of numerous cultures there are flood myths. These are usually sent by the gods. Christianity having helped itself to various bits of other religions is the best known because Christians put all the others to the sword to become the werld's largest religion of peace.
Many myths go back to back into prehistory but many are within the 5000 BC era that the flood is said to have happened.

Lets just ignore the various cultures around the werld that were thriving  during those times. Like the Chinese discovering how to use rice, the stones at Carnac, Stonehenge, Newgrange in Ireland, the great Pyramids, maize being cultivated in Mexico etc etc, so many cultures that didn't notice being wiped out by the flood as they made copper pins, bowls and learned how to farm.

 Calm yer tits.

Danny Healy-Rae says we have these stories. By saying that he just discounted them as stories, not fact. There is no historical evidence, nor does it makes sense scientifically or in any other way. Having religion means that you just have to believe, have faith, accept or be gullible if you please.

In Ireland the Lebor Gabála Érenn (The Book of the Taking of Ireland ) is a collection of stories and poems probably written in the 11th century when monks were spreading the good word .... when I say good I mean bollocks. Calling it the good word or the good book is the earliest form of spin and media manipulation there is.  Oh I'm telling you the gospel truth, I did not have sexually intercourse with that woman.... I did destroy her back doors though.
Either her ass was destroyed or she lost it in Vegas.

The book of Ireland says how we Irish (yes I'm Irish today) are descended from a bloke that sailed with a lass who was descended from Adam through the sons of Noah. Cessair was the daughter of one of Noah's sons. She set sail for Ireland just before the flood because hey who doesn't want to be Irish? (yeah the English, oh whatever) and Cessair married Fintan mac Bóchra ... obviously a young Middle Eastern man going by the name that she sailed with.

It's like Jesus citing tracing his family tree to King David yet he isn't even fucken related by blood to Joesph according to the story.  

It turned out Fintan was left alone with 50 weemen all yapping about him leaving the toilet seat up so fled to the shop for a pack of smokes. When the flood came he shape shifted into a salmon, hawk then eagle before becoming human again living for 5500 years. We say the flood happened 2361 BC, just before lunch which was quite inconvenient. Yes we were going to have boiled potato and cabbage with some corned beef duh!  

 An expert of body language I can tell that consent has been given without a werd being spoken. 

All Irish can shape shift, when Old Knudsen drinks an magic potion or 8 pints of it with some chasers he becomes a funny, witty young charming man that all nearby weemen want to be chatted up by.  He can also fight like fuck and will take on younger bigger men cos Old Knudsen has the magic .... and a bicycle chain he hides in his pocket.    

All you Irish out there don't be surprised when yer Ancestry DNA test comes back with Middle Eastern bits in it.... and bits of kipper too. 

Here's what happened. People make up these stories right? They always have done. They had to make their own entertainment back then and it's not like they had Snopes or Wikipedia for fucks sake.

Some one from the bronze age or further back probably didn't travel far. Boats along coasts were the easiest which is why all the main cities are coast accessible. Going inland there weren't any roads and it was tough going and you never knew who you'd meet, it was the most dangerous option.

 Floods in Louisiana, 13 dead but it happened during an election and the Olympics so who cares? 

A village gets flooded way back in the Bronze age one year and it ruins their bronze age carpets and crops. It's like a total bummer and they have to eat the family pet. Their whole world has been destroyed by a flood.

Well since me crops are mush and I ate me family I'm off to wander the earth and tell my story about how my world was flooded.

These fuckers didn't know about The Dadiwan culture in China, the Sesklo culture in Greece or whatever. No one was going to check their story, they believed in giants for fucks sake and shape shifting Middle eastern Irishmen. The Hopi had people floating around on reeds and the Spider Grandmother telling them that with great power cums great responsibility .... and don't trust whitey, or Spaniards.  

So you have Irish politicians citing Noah as a historical figure, the DUP believing the werld is only 6000 years old and yon Texan Republican Joe Barton saying that wind is a finite resource and all the wind turbines will use it up.

 Ginger pubes, yer reward if you read this far. 

These people rule us and say how things are to be done. It makes me sad that people don't question Climate Change and denounce anyone that asks a reasonable question like how warm is the Earth supposed to be? Maybe because Old Knudsen doesn't look at things from a human perspective and Climate Change is all about how it will effect us parasitic humans.

It also makes me sad that mythology is presented and believed to be facts. I've lived a long time and in that time governments, scientists and other humans have lied and gotten things wrong .... a lot. Also if in doubt shout "conspiracy" or just accept the lies rather than look foolish.

Question everything and be ready to change yer opinion if wrong. I've done it on numerous things ... I wasn't wrong I just had the wrong information BTW. If you can't change yer mind you can't change anything.